GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We are all done wearing pants today
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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