So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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