I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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