I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
