On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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