Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
