peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
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If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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