I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
