He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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