I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
