32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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