he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have post one night stand depression
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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