fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
