I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize