matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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