Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
