well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
