I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
