fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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