Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
