Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
