Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
