why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
