if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
