Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
