Nicole vs. Life
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
