I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
