Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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