I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bring me that man meat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
