I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize