Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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