A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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