So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize