Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
