this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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