"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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