Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
