I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
