She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
