forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
