I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
