these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The power of my boobs compel you
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
