Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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