watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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