Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
