Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
