I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
