is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
