I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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