drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
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bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have aggressive nipples.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize