my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
