Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
