I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
