If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
