I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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