I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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