why didn't you poke me back
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize