It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
