yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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