Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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