You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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