Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
