i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
