I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
