U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
