hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
