Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
