I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
