turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
